


What a fun coincidence

by Anemone_nemerosa



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Awful drinks, Barista!Remus, F/F, F/M, Good Peter, M/M, Marauders Fest 2020, Meet ugly - I guess, dares, james potter pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28840407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anemone_nemerosa/pseuds/Anemone_nemerosa
Summary: When Sirius steps in a cammy little coffee shop for his dare, he has no clue what will hit him.James view on how Sirius and Remus got together in this Universe.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Mary Macdonald/Peter Pettigrew, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26
Collections: Marauders Fest 2020





	What a fun coincidence

**Author's Note:**

> Hello people,  
> with this fic, I tried something different. I wrote the story of Sirius and Remus from James' POV.  
> His comments are written in bold.

**Padfoot, if I am not dead and left you this book, I have absolutely no idea how you found it. Put it back. Now. Stop whining and put. It. Back. Peter and Remus, how could you betray me like this and let him read on? Lily, love, I forgive you.**

**Really, though, close it and go. You are dismissed.**

**Dearest reader,**

**The following story is probably the dumbest that has ever happened, including Caligula's war against Poseidon, Australia's war against birds, and the car crash involving the only two cars in Ohio 1895. Maybe you better put the book back, too. It gets embarrassing.**

**Still here? Alright.**

**It all began with a grande bulletproof latte with soy milk, extra whipped cream, and 2 pumps each banana and peppermint—the most hideous drink Peter and I were able to come up with. But I'm getting ahead of myself.**

**Picture this: An innocent and well-raised boy, the model of an eleven-year-old son sent to boarding school and put in a room with two incredible idiots. Fifteen years later, said boy (me) still shares a flat with Sirius and Peter, the dumbest, most immature, and very best friends a person could ever have. Really, I might complain a lot (and it is always justified) but these two are wonderful, and if any idiot talks about them the way I do, things will get dark pretty quickly (Of course there are exceptions: Lily, my love, Remus, and Reg. That's it. No one else dares to speak badly about my friends.)**

**So, the drink... To really appreciate the hilarity of it all, I might need to start somewhere else, dearest reader. Please forgive my little disarray.**

**Let's introduce Remus.**

**When our story begins, he is 26 and still works as a barista at Coffee-Beanz (yes, spelled like that), a rather shabby hole in the wall that only survives because it’s cheap and directly across from a major university complex-building. And Remus working in customer service is all the proof needed to show that the place just gets through on its proximity to students.**

On that fateful Monday afternoon, the lad was already super annoyed. For the next two weeks, he had to ride the tube across the city to the damn coffee-shop until he would start his first actual real job after graduation. But the flat he just moved in at the weekend was very close to his adult-job in the National Archives in Kew, so it was worth the trip.

The shift was slow going, and Remus was already half through the book he brought in for the day when the bell on the door announced the third customer in the last, like 5 hours. He looked up, pushing up the glasses that had descended on his nose **(like they always do but he’s much too lazy to actually get them corrected)** . There was a guy around his own age staring at a small slip of paper in his hands while the most beautiful girl in the world **(Lily)** , submerged in a big scarf and beanie, and her handsome boyfriend (me) barely suppressed their snickers.

**(He still denies it today, but his face was practically reading: _What the hell?_ )**

The guy **(you might have guessed that it's Sirius)** kept staring at his slip of paper when Lily eventually stepped past him and ordered English breakfast tea with cream. (I did not order a thing. I was just in for the show.)

After a while, Remus seemed to get bored waiting and resumed his reading. The guy would order eventually or just go. **(Did I mention before that Remus in customer-service is a weird thought?)**

"Erm." Sirius awkwardly stepped closer to the bar, still clutching the note but trying to appear confident.

Remus brought the book down and looked up expectantly.

"Made up your mind?" he asked amusedly while looking into a very red, yet determined face.

"A grande bulletproof latte with soy milk, extra whipped cream, and 2 pumps each banana and peppermint. And please write your number on the cup, thank you." Sirius rattled out, placing an elbow on the counter and even risking a _wink_ at Remus.

Apparently, the words were spoken so quickly that Remus had to ask him to repeat it again, eyebrows raised dramatically, "Run that past me again, please. You want me to put WHAT in your coffee?" Remus determinedly passed over the number-thing, his look daring Sirius to ask again.

"You heard me." **(The look of defeat on Sirius' face was priceless. Too bad, Peter couldn't come.)**

Remus took his time preparing the drink **(there were no other customers in, anyways—semester break)** , looking at Sirius as if to say, 'Are you sure?' before adding the ingredients: The chunk of butter, the soy milk, and the pumps of peppermint. As every action was met with a nod, Remus shrugged, then finished off the concoction with banana syrup, topped it with whipped cream, and placed it in front of Sirius, his expression blank.

"There you go."

**Obviously, Sirius did not get the number. But why on earth would he order such a 'drink' and attempt to flirt at the same time?**

**For you to understand, we need to get back to the previous Saturday evening.**

"I have the pizza!" Peter yelled across the flat after the door fell shut behind him. He stepped over a bunch of stray shoes toward the giant couch in the living room I was already sprawled on.

"Yay!" I raised my arms in the air as a way of celebration before dragging myself up from the couch to get a couple of beers from the fridge.

When I came back from the kitchen, Peter was already cutting the pizzas in thirds and switching the pieces out so that everyone got a third of every pizza. "Prongs, Padfoot is late. Again."

**Many people have asked us how on earth we came up with these ridiculous nicknames, but this secret will never leave the Marauders. Not even Lily knows. Although I have to admit, The story of how Peter came to the name Wormtail is so awesome, I almost told her.**

"And you are surprised?" I raised an eyebrow. 

**We have been doing The Monthly Saturday evening since we left boarding school, so for about eight years. Well at first, it was a nice evening in with movies or games and fast food once a week, but schedules and responsibilities kept changing and drifting apart over the years. So eventually we settled on the first Saturday every month to do all the immature shit we didn't get to the rest of the time, and haven’t skipped one for the last three years. But back to the point: I don't need all my fingers to count the days Sirius was on time. Always there, of course, but never on time.**

A few moments later, the door was yanked open forcefully, revealing a dishevelled but enthusiastic Sirius.

"Celebrate my friends, I'm here and I have already chosen today's activity!" the pompous little git declared in mock-sublimity.

"Get a move on, then. The pizza is getting cold," I reminded our royal highness. With that, he popped a DVD in the battered player, took his jeans off and launched them in the general direction of his room before plopping down on the couch in his boxers. Everything was allowed on The Saturday.

The intro-scene of Mean Girls caused quite the cacophony of exclamations. While I cheered and happily and high-fived Sirius, Peter groaned.

"No need to complain Wormy, it's my metaphorical last meal," Sirius drawled around a mouthful of pizza and that was that.

When the credits at the end of the movie rolled over the screen, I sat up from my cosy position under Sirius' arm, face gone solemn "Gentlemen, it is time."

"Wait, gotta wake up Wormy. I have no idea why he complained about the movie, he fell asleep ten minutes in," Sirius croaked around a full body stretch. 

**Peter once confessed to me that he actively chose a nap over movies he did not like and was perfectly content with his method of socialising.**

After the adorable oddball was fully awake again, we took our seats in a circle on the floor, a bottle of peppermint liquor and three shot glasses in the middle.

"At first, a shot in honour of Wormtail, who successfully completed last month's dare." As it was said **(by me)** , we knocked back the first shot. 

Peter then continued "Sirius, it's your turn to face The Monthly Dare."

**Okay, I will butt in once more. You might be curious what The Monthly Dare is. See, dear reader, the three of us were shoved into a dorm room when we were eleven-year olds and had entirely too much free-time (I'm certain we would've strongly disagreed at that time). Anyhow, we came up with several ways to occupy ourselves. Besides pulling pranks on everyone in proximity, we soon began daring each other to do some rather questionable things. Out of that developed the tradition of two Marauders coming up with a dare for the third, alternating every month.**

**Okay, back to business.**

Peter continued with what was a really admirable attempt on a grave voice, "Your dare is to go into the ratty coffee-shop across the main buildings of King's College, order exactly what Prongs and I dictate, and get out with the barista's phone number. You are not allowed to enter the shop without ordering a confirmed drink, and you need to get the number of the first barista to serve you on Monday, no switch of target allowed."

Sirius listened with rapt attention and nodded for Peter to continue.

"If you accomplish the task, you are free of household chores for a month. But if you fail, your beloved hair is at Prongs' and my mercy for a month. Padfoot, do you accept the challenge?"

"That, I do." Padfoot gave the traditional answer but looked more than a little uneasy. We sealed the deal with another round of shots and got back to the couch for celebratory chocolate ice cream and a few episodes of Dr. Who before heading to bed.

**And that, my dear readers, is the background to Sirius' embarrassing entrance into our story. I could have explained that first, of course, but why would I pass up a moment to let my beloved brother look like an utter fool to you? Right, I wouldn't.**

* * *

**I know I was not there when Remus got home on that fateful Monday, but I have on very good authority this is what happened.**

After a very annoying day and a horrid tube-ride during rush hour, Remus came home to his new flatmate successfully burning his dinner.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Remus coughed, ripping the kitchen window open to let the thick smoke out before even taking his coat off.

"Setting the place on fire, of course!" the other boy deadpanned, much too calm for the disaster he was creating. He just stood in front of what resembled Pompeii-in-a-pan in solemn consideration.

"There is no way of fixing this," was his final statement before taking the pan from the stove.

"A prime example of a lost cause. What should it have been?" Remus commented dryly.

"Fried mushrooms," Leo **(erm... who?)** answered, and Remus watched the sad coals topple into the trash bin.

 _Really?_ "Oh."

"It seems frying things hotter doesn't make them cook faster," Leo just replied with a shrug.

"What a surprise," Remus deadpanned and watched his flatmate hover in the kitchen, hesitating shortly before running his hand through his blue hair and grabbing a bag of cornflakes.

"Honestly, Leo," Remus nudged the other boy with his foot, "stooping so low? There is so much stuff in the fridge."

"You might have noticed that producing edible food is not my strong suit, even without improvisation."

Our grumpy friend had to sigh deeply at that comment. "Come on, I'm hungry, too. Might as well whip something up together."

Cooking was a bit awkward. They didn't know each other very well yet, having lived together for only two days, and kept getting in the way of each other.But dinner was pleasant enough as sitting on the couch had not many opportunities for trotting on each other's feet.

One couldn't call their conversation small talk since the other boy was not really into meaningless skirmish. So, they talked about evolutionary theory, the French Revolution, and why the middle of a trilogy was always the worst. Generally, Leo was an odd fellow with brightly dyed hair (every week another colour), contrasting extremely with his pressed button down and horn-rimmed glasses.

At some point, Remus felt calmed down from his annoying day and told his flatmate about that weird customer.

"I mean, how on earth are there people doing such shit?" Remus exclaimed, throwing his arms up. "Ordering the grossest concoction I have ever had the misfortune to prepare and, then, the horrid flirting!" 

Leo just chuckled and tucked his feet underneath himself. "Oh, I know people who would do exactly that kind of crap." **(I remember now who Leo is. But I won't tell you. Yet.)**

**At the same time at the Marauder's Residence, I was in the middle of retelling The Epic Fail to Lily, Peter, and Mary (Petey's girlfriend) while Sirius sulked in the corner.**

"And you know what makes this fail so epic?" I asked a grinning Peter, who knew perfectly well but shook his head nonetheless.

"It wasn't even spectacular like one would expect one Sirius Black to fail, if he does so. No, it was the plainest, quietest, and simplest flop he ever made," I wheezed.

Sirius just huffed indignantly. "There was no way I could've impressed that one with anything. Lost cause!"

"What makes you think that?" Mary asked, now genuinely curious.

"Well," he began, "the guy is probably about my height but super gangly. I'd say his nose has been broken at least twice, glasses permanently sliding down that nose, hair a mess. Also, he wore a shirt with the weirdest fish-pattern and a giant cardigan. In a coffee shop. Not even an apron or whatever. And he was reading a book instead of paying attention to customers. He just didn't seem the type to like handsome, mysterious strangers in leather. I don't even know if he's into guys!" Sirius ended with a sniff.

"Dear, you were a blushing mess, not at all mysterious," Lily shot him amicably (I was so proud!)

Peter had narrowed his eyes during Padfoot's speech and exchanged a knowing look with me.

"Also, we never stated that you had to get the number with romantic intentions. You could've tried to just be nice and make friends, you know," he declared with a smirk

**(I could see the moment the thought settled in that, of course, that would've been the sensible way to deal with that.)**

But, "Fucking hell," was all Sirius said about that matter.

He stayed quiet for the rest of the evening, angry with himself and the world for his rookie mistake. **(** **Not checking for loopholes really is naive.)**

So, after Lily and Mary went home, Peter and I had a Council of the Marauders. There was too much potential in that situation to end the dare.

"Padfoot, we decided to give you a second chance. You are allowed to go into that café as often as you want to try again with the very same barista until the end of the month. But you need to order a drink from Prongs and me every time and every time, it needs to be a different one."

"Or, you could just give up and hand your style over." I added when Sirius looked a bit wary. **(I know how to push his buttons.)**

"Alright!" he spat, jaw set.

Of course, Sirius was determined to get that number, never one to back off a challenge and probably very scared for his hair.

**And so, it happened that Sirius tried again for almost every day for... some time**

* * *

**Wednesday October 7** **th**

Drink: Chamomile tea with two pumps of caramel syrup **(It was so fucking early when we all left the house and needed to come up with a drink that Peter and I just half-assed the creation of the day. Next time—and there will be a next time—the drink will be more fun.)**

Witness: Peter

When Sirius entered the coffeeshop two days later with Pete at his heels, there was nothing of the blushing-mess-of-Monday left. Instead, he over-exaggerated his alleged coolness and tried to go with the suggestion to get to the barista on a platonic level.

"Good morning," Padfoot greeted with what he might have considered was a nonchalant nod. **(But really, he looked like the bobble-head dog in my father's car. Dad thinks this object is decorative but it's just hideous. I love it. His name is Mr. Wiggles.)**

The barista wasn't impressed. At all. He just lowered his book enough to look at Sirius, eyebrow raised expectantly.

"I'm glad to see you again," Sirius pushed through Remus' sceptical stare with his smile still in place **(We all learned to fear that stare after a while.)**

"You know, I think I came off as a bit weird two days ago."

"Mhm," Was all he got in return.

"Let's start again, OK? I'd like to have a chamomile tea with two pumps of caramel syrup to go, please, and I'd really like to have your phone number so we can hang out sometimes? You seem like a—cool guy." **(It's not just me and Peter, is it? The short hesitation before the word 'cool' gave you second-hand embarrassment, too, right?)**

Remus furrowed his brows and, with a huff, turned to prepare the drink. Before he dumped the syrup in, he paused to look at Sirius with the _are-you-sure?-look_ we all remember from last time.

A smile and a confident nod later, Sirius was presented with his drink.

"Hey, you forgot to add your number."

"No." **(Fail.)**

**Thursday October 8** **th**

Drink: Hot chocolate with one pump lemon syrup and one pump banana

Witness: Lily-flower **(She wore a beautiful burgundy floral dress that day. It makes her wonderful green eyes stand out even more. Gorgeous. Also, yeah, I know what colour burgundy is.)**

"Lily, I have a plan," Sirius announced to her on their way to the café.

"Have you, now?" The most beautiful girl in the world chuckled, bumping his shoulder. 

**It took them months to become friendly after we started dating. And that says something, seen that it took me seven years to convince her to give me a chance. Ok, actually, it took seven years and Peter's gift to be calm and reasonable in almost all situations. You might think he's a bit of a quiet nerd but once you get to know him, you'll learn that he is gentle, friendly and clever. This Peter-ness, it seemed, was exactly what was necessary to convince Lily to give me a shot. But I'm drifting off. Back to Sirius:**

He threw his arm around her shoulders "Yeah. I don't think I will get the guy's number in one sitting. I need to plan for the long run; show patience and use all my charm."

"Looking forward to seeing that happening." Lils smirked, opened the door to the café, and waved him in with a flourish movement.

Sirius stepped past her with a royal air about him, generously overlooking Lily's teasing and focusing on the task at hand, instead.

This time, there were actual other customers waiting in line, so Sirius had a bit of time adjusting his plan to any clues he could pick up on until it was his turn.

 _Let's see_ , Sirius thought, peering around the three people in front of him **(I know I'm not in his brain, but I know him so well I might be, alright.)**

This day, the target was wearing a navy shirt with orange flamingos under a giant charcoal cable-knit cardigan. Nothing to talk about here, the shirt was awful. What else? Like in the last two encounters, his glasses were balanced low on his nose, probably to keep reading his battered book (a different one from Thursday) while sloppily preparing drinks with one hand. Another turn to get some milk revealed the cover of the book.

The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood. _Oh, I know that one,_ Sirius thought excitedly. His parents made sure he got an all-encompassing education, after all. But how to turn Robin Hood into a funny entrance line? What did people all agree on about Robin Hood and worked to start a pleasant conversation? _Oh. Yeah._

It was Sirius' turn to order now. Remus didn't really look up from his book while he turned to face the counter, making a questioning noise. "Nobility is not a birth right. It's defined by one's actions," Sirius quoted in his best horrible-mock-English-accent-in-honour-of-Kevin-Costner-as-Robin-Hood imitation.

That made Remus look up and drop his book to the counter. "Excuse me?"

"I beg of no man," Sirius kept on quoting, voice still in place, internally freaking out.

The reaction was a slow blink, a look at Sirius, a look at the book, and a look back at Sirius before the barista erupted in laughter. Real, genuine laughter. Then, Sirius placed his order and the smile vanished from Remus' face.

"You know, you come in here, order disasters, and demand my number. This is actual food you're wasting here."

"No, I'm ordering a drink and asking you politely for your company." Pads answered, tucking a strand of hair from his not-shaved side behind his ear.

A few moments later, a cup was dropped in front of him. "Drink it, then."

**Lily swore to me that behind Remus' stern glare, his eyes twinkled with mischief when Sirius reluctantly lifted the cup to his lips. He knew exactly that he made Sirius drink a vile concoction he had no intention of drinking. Probably, Remus wanted to finally scare him off. (Actually, he just enjoyed making Sirius a bit miserable. I asked, and I relate.)**

**Saturday October 10** **th**

Drink: Green jasmine tea with whipped cream and sprinkles **(Ew. I'm actually ashamed of suggesting that.)**

Witness: We hoped for Reg, but no one could be arsed.

Sirius texted his brother on the way to the café.

S: _Reggie!_

R: Oh god. What have you done this time?

S: _Nothing. Why do you always assume I've done something?_

R: ...

S: _Never mind. How about relocating our Saturday-coffee_

_to a café across King's main Building?_

R: That's a one-hour tube ride, dimwit!

Why can't we meet between our flats?

R: Like always...

S: _It's necessary_.

R: I will not drive across the city for your stupid shit.

S: _Fine, then._

Sadly **(or luckily - the drink really would've been incredibly bad)** , the barista was not there on weekends, so Sirius wasn't allowed to order anything except that awful concoction we created.

S: _Right, I'm done. Wanna meet in the usual place?_

R: Really? I just changed into PJs.

S: _Change back?_

R: No way. Just come over?

S: _No_.

S: _You know why._

S: _Not interested._

R: Please try to send a complete text instead of

several single words, like a decent human being.

S: _Fuck off, Reg._

R: Whatever. But you know, Snape is gone.

I have a new flatmate and he's quite nice.

S: _Is he, now? You also said that about Snape._

R: I know.

S: _He stole your stuff..._

R: I know.

S: _And he treated James and me like shit..._

S: _...and then we had a massive disaster with Lily._

R: STOP IT YOU BLOODY KNOB! I SAID I KNOW.

R: But the new one is different. I think you

would like him; he can even cook.

S: _Nah, thank you. Has the slime collected his stuff?_

R: No.

S: _Then there is still a chance of him showing up so no._

S: _And no to the new one. Café or not?_

R: Alright. You win. Be there in 20.

**Monday October 12** **th**

Drink: Venti half and half, 10 Pumps Vanilla, Extra Whipped cream **(We just googled hideous drinks from there on. I don't even know what that means.)**

Witness: Mary and Peter

Because Sirius' only victory so far was a joke on Kevin Costner, he tried to get on with it, obviously.

"Greetings to you, my fair maid, Marian," Sirius sang in a high-pitched voice upon entering the place and was met with an exasperated sigh **(but Pete swore there was a smirk on his lips)**.

"I am the maid in this?" Remus asked in mock-puzzlement, brushing his dark blond mop of waves out of his face while continuing without waiting for an answer, "Never mind. What is it this time? Soap-water?"

"I wish," Sirius mumbled to himself before looking at the barista's face with a smile. "A venti half and half, 10 Pumps Vanilla, Extra Whipped cream, and your phone number, pretty please."

"10 pumps of vanilla?"

"Sure."

"I could also just hand you the bottle of syrup, you know?" Remus gesticulated at the line of bottles beside him.

"No, thank you, maid Marian." Sirius replied with a little bow.

"Stop that," the other boy scoffed while pumping vanilla syrup for eternity.

"Give me your name, then, so I can put your name correctly with your number."

"No. To all of that."

"As you wish, m'Lady."

"Argh, fine," he grumbled and plonked the drink down in front of Padfoot. "It's Remus. There you go, Kevin.” **(In case I confused you: Sirius didn't know Remus' name until then. I was just too lazy to call him 'the barista' the entire time)**

"Thanks maid Remus." Sirius adopted the accent-of-horror again and was met with an overexaggerated eye-roll. 

**Tuesday October 13** **th**

Drink: Grande, Quad, Nonfat, One-Pump, No-Whip Mocha **(Sirius asked us 'A pump of _what_?'... as if we would know.)**

Witness: Order to take a photo of the cup with the guy; no one had time. **(We thought Sirius would have either succeeded or given up by now.)**

"Oh, no entourage today?" Remus teased as soon as Sirius stepped in, setting his book aside and flexing his fingers in anticipation for yet another lunatic beverage. **(People could start to suspect, Sirius was not just a nuisance to Remus, don't you think?)**

"Oh, fuck you, m'Lady," Sirius instantly shot back with a little curtsy and a smirk as he stepped to the counter.

"What's that about?" he then asked instead of ordering, pointing at Remus' textbook. "It's semester-break."

"People don't stop learning just because classes are at break," Remus replied slightly bemused.

"Oh, they sure do." Sirius couldn't help the chuckle bubbling up his throat at that super nerdy comment.

Remus' voice adopted an airy tone as he looked down on Sirius. "Well, I don't."

"Exemplary. So, what is that about?"

"It's an overview of 18th century ink use and paper composition in England."

"Weirdly specific, but whatever makes you happy." _Funny, Reg said his flatmate was into something like that, too. Didn't know so many people were into that stuff_ . **(Mhm.)**

After Padfoot tried to order, forgot what he was supposed to order half-way in, and read it from his phone instead, Remus went back to looking bemused.

"A pump of what exactly?"

"Erm... You know what, surprise me." 

The barista just shrugged, biting down his grin and turned to prepare whatever Sirius just ordered.

"There it is." He turned back to the counter, carefully setting down the cup.

"Gonna tell me what you put in there?" Sirius asked, blinking up through his lashes in an attempt of flirting when the bell of the door announced people coming in.

"Oh, look. More customers."

"If you have to work, give me your number, then we can discuss the secret pump later."

"Smooth." Remus made a face like the Not-Bad Obama-Meme

Sirius’ head peaked up from eyeing his cup. "Yeah?"

The other boy just ran his hand through his hair and laughed before turning solemn in a beat and deadpanning "No."

**In the following years neither Sirius, nor Remus let slip what was in that coffee.**

**Wednesday October 14** **th**

Drink: Non-Fat Frappuccino With Extra Whipped Cream and Chocolate Sauce

Witness: Peter and James

When we stepped into that shoddy cafe, I couldn't believe my eyes. Sirius’ questionable methods seemed to have worked surprisingly well, if the smile on Remus' face was anything to go by. They somehow had established a weird routine of medieval-style greetings and making fun of Kevin Costner (poor guy). Pete and I just stared at each other in wonder while all of that revealed itself in front of us. How?

"You want a non-fat drink with whipped cream and—Wait, that's not the point I should be concerned about. Four shots of espresso?!" Remus stared at Sirius incredulously, "Have you gone fully bonkers?"

"Let's meet up, and you can find out," the other boy replied with what probably was an attempt at sounding flirty. **(I mean, yeah... mental health examination. Sexy)**. "Give me your number, and I'll call you."

"For science, of course," Sirius continued as Remus' only answer was a remarkable eyeroll.

"Of course." Remus was not impressed **(or was he?)**

"Oh, come on. Pleeeeaase?" **(The puppy dog eyes. Remus wouldn't stand a chance. However mental Sirius' flirting techniques may be, that look worked. Why did it take Padfoot that long to make use of his gift?)**

He sighed heavily, and we could see Remus' resistance crumbling. But just as his hand wandered towards the marker, the door flew open and an older man with a large belly and kind face waddled in.

"Remus m'boy, good to see you. Are the gentlemen done? I would like to have a word with you."

"Just finished Mr. Slughorn."

And with that Remus bid us goodbye.

**Sirius was able to contain his frustrated rant until they were a good five minutes away from the place and did not stop until three in the morning... four shots of espresso and such...**

**Friday October 16** **th**

Drink: A grande quad Frappuccino with a pump of every syrup they have.

Witness: James

It was finally Friday! And Remus was so happy he was almost friendly towards his customers.

Only 30 more minutes and he would be free. He put his book down to text Leo, inquiring about party preparations.

_Remus: Ready for the party?_

Leo: If you're asking whether I made a fortress out of the couch and put  
the cake in the oven exactly like you've written me down, then yes.

_R: You're a treasure, Leo._

L: Yeah.

L: That I am.

He looked up when the door chimed, announcing the—hopefully—last customer of the day. His belly did an undignified flip at the sight of the mop of dark waves with the not-really-intentional looking side-cut. _What the hell?_

_R: Weird-drink guy is back!_

Remus sent the text on its way and looked at the boy. He was wearing the same ratty leather jacket as every other time and in company of the taller guy with the messiest hair known to mankind, who had tailed him several times, always wearing a suspiciously smug grin on his face. Weird-drink guy stepped forward, ordered and attempted his ludicrous flirting behaviour again (his eyes were very grey, indeed). But Messy-hair guy **(I'm still upset about the name he gave me.)** joined in, and the two of them started to bicker so Remus turned back to his phone.

L: Oh?

L: Please continue.

_R: A grande quad Frappuccino with a pump of every syrup_

L: ?

_R: Caffeine and Sugar. A lot of both and even more flavours._

L: He ordered that? Yikes.

L: But not what I wanted to know. What did he say?

_R: Shut it._

L: Oh, come on! I've never heard of a person talking so much shit except my  
brother. Maybe Weird-drink guy drops a new line I can use against my brother.

Since the first visit, Remus really doubted that it was Weird-drink guy's idea to march in, order hellish concoctions, and beg for his phone-number. Especially since he was always accompanied by various people that never ordered. It was entertaining for sure, but he was not certain how to deal with all that.

Remus' phone rang when he began pumping all the syrup. He wrestled it out of his right pocket with his left hand and wedged it between his chin and his shoulder before continuing to pump.

"Hey Leo... What?! Oh shit! Did you call the police?" The pumping stopped as Remus jerked up. "Alright then. My shift ends in ten minutes, and I'll come directly over. See what we can fix. Of course, see you then." He shook his head, finished the pumping and set the cup down in front of the pair.

"Is everything alright?" Messy-hair guy asked.

_What?_

"The phone-call..." he supplied in a concerned tone.

"Oh. Erm, well my new flatmate had severe trouble with my predecessor rioting, and his dumb brother wouldn't pick up. I'll head over and see what happened to the furniture." Remus had no idea why he was telling the boy this.

He waved them off, thanking them for their good luck wishes. Remus was almost out of the door, when he realised that Weird-drink guy had not asked for the number that time.

The following Saturday, Reg came home from dinner with the Marauder's Residence to find his not-Snape flatmate curled up on the old couch mid-Marry Poppins with a bag of ginger nuts.

They became rather good friends by now, bonding over movie nights and sharing awkward stuff that happened to other people. Reg's absolute favourite were his flatmates' work-stories. Especially that one odd dude that—for whatever reason—sparked interest in the boy, causing him to space out and get all moony. Of course, Reg would not be himself, if he didn't nettle him.

"Hey Moony, scoot over," Regulus sing-songed and motioned for his flatmate to make space on the couch. "Sorry that your weekend didn't go as planned."

"I'm not mooning, Regulus," the other boy grumbled indignantly but shifted anyway. "The weekend doesn't matter. Stuff needed to be done today and needs finishing tomorrow. We could postpone the weekend to Monday?"

Reg just chuckled, "Yeah, cool," and continued to make himself comfortable. "Why do you feel the need to use my full name and what were you waxing about?"

"Because your name is just as ludicrous as mine and I want you to embrace your weirdness. I did not wax."

“I am weird enough as I am. A super extraordinary name would just warn the people. Now tell meeee what you were thinking of!"

With a heavy sigh, Moony surrendered to Reg, "His side-cut."

"So, Weird-drink guy has a side-cut. And it's a good thing?"

Moony shrugged a bit helplessly, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Somehow, yes? I never thought I liked it, but on him, it looks good."

"Funny, my brother has one, too. Singed the side off during a failed whatever-it-was but refused to cut off the rest of his mane. Naturally, I think it looks shitty." _Weird-drink guy is just like my brother. What a fun coincidence._

They continued to watch the movie in silence for a while until Moony spoke up again.

"Hey."

"Mh?" When nothing followed, Reg looked up from the biscuit he was nibbling at.

"Why didn't I meet your brother yet?"

It was Reg's turn to sigh. "Oh well... Sirius didn't get along with Snape... The guy that lived here before and showed up yesterday to get the last of his stuff but brought doom over the flat instead."

Being met with judgmentally raised eyebrows, Reg felt the need to elaborate, "At the beginning, he was alright, but it became weird once his friends started to be here regularly. They would break my stuff, steal, and be absolutely awful to my brother and his friends. And so, he is convinced I have no taste in people and refuses to meet you."

"Can't really blame him on that, can you?" Moony supplied in a helpfully dry manner.

"Not liking the git and telling me off for poor judgement? No. Refusing to meet you or set foot in this flat? Well... Maybe someday I'll convince him to come."

And with a mighty groan, Reg extracted himself from the couch. "I'll go and freshen up my hair. The purple is fading."

When his flatmate stepped out of the bathroom with his head wrapped in a towel and without glasses and plopped back onto the couch, his dark eyes reflected the TV and seemed suddenly much lighter. Something in Moony's brain told him that the other boy's features looked differently familiar in a weird way, but he shrugged it off. Coincidence.

**You might have guessed it by now, dear reader: Regulus' flatmate is Sirius' barista is Remus, and none of them have a single clue. Oblivious idiots.**

**Monday October 19** **th**

Drink: A grande cappuccino with salt and pepper **(we were in a hurry to come up with something)**

Witness: Lily

As it turned out, Remus had his last day as barista on Friday.

"Lils!" Sirius groaned desperately after they left the café, his head dropping heavily on Lily's shoulder.

"What?" she replied, imitating his tone.

Padfoot slumped fully into Lily's side, clinging to her arm. **(Sometimes I'm really impressed on how strong she is)**

"This is a disaster!"

"No pity from me here, Pads. You guys insist on the pranking shit."

"You are so cruel." He just drew a breath to keep on lamenting when his phone announced a message.

Out of habit, Sirius pulled it out of his pocket and checked it. Reg had sent a picture of a blue shirt with a fish pattern on a hanger with the caption 'look at that!' and he realised that he'd seen this shirt before on the barista. He couldn't suppress the chuckle escaping his throat. _What a fun coincidence that there are two people with absolutely no taste. Maybe it's a common thing with the old-book-fans._ **(Oh my god! I can't even roll my eyes as hard as I want to!)**

Lily poked over his shoulder to look at the picture that distracted him from his misery **(which is quite the achievement because Pads gets really passionate about his misery)** **.** As she witnessed the day Remus wore that shirt, she immediately connected some of the dots **(amazing and quick-witted woman that she is)** and confronted Sirius with her insights.

"This isn't about the dare, is it?" she asked, voice much softer now.

"Of course, it is!" Sirius exclaimed, standing on his own again and gesticulating over-exaggeratedly. "I cannot let Pete and Prongs ruin my reputation with their questionable style-choices."

Lily huffed out a sigh before commenting, "You know, there is no reason to keep your nonchalant-cool-manly facade with me. I've figured you out years ago, you soft little romantic."

"Well, you see, his hideous shirts and messy locks kind of grew on me," Sirius conceded much quieter and rubbed the buzzed part of his head.

"Come on. That's not it."

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, the emotional floodgates opened, "Alright... I really started looking forward to dropping by. He's just so funny and sarcastic, but also cute, but not at all in a wet blanket way. And he really seems to appreciate my passion for bad movies, unlike Pete and Prongs. I love them both to bits, you know, but Remus is different. He always raises one eyebrow higher than the other, and his eyes light up just like that when he laughs, and his dimples show and the one wonky canine that sticks out a little and, shit, I would endure the consequences of the dare anyway, if I got the number. But that dawned on me just right now, and it's too late, and I haven't the number, _and_ I’ll have miserable hair, and I will never see him again."

**While Sirius did not shy away from various hook-ups, genuinely caring for people and letting them be part of his life was a rarity, so this development was quite an unexpected one for everyone not paying attention (all of them but me).**

The very same Monday, Remus celebrated the end of his questionable career as barista with Victoria Sponge Cake for breakfast. He sat on the couch with Reg, who had only afternoon classes that day. The chaos of the weekend and the subsequently postponement of the celebration of the no-work party had the unintentional upside of relaxing on the couch with cake instead of working.

"You know Leo, I think I'm gonna miss Weird-drink guy a little. He was quite charming in his idiocy and sometimes really made my day in that hellhole," Remus admitted around a bite of his second slice.

"Yet, you never gave him the number," was the dry answer from the opposite site of the couch.

"Why would I?"

"You like him, Moony."

"What makes you say that?"

"I'm very observant," Reg answered **(in an unjustified smug manner. I mean, he is decidedly not.).**

"Fuck off," Remus grumbled irritated and got up to put the remaining cake away.

Before he could yell an appropriate response over his shoulder, Reg got distracted by the sound of an incoming text.

_Siri: Reg, help!_

_S: The target of my dare left, and I cannot reach him! I'll never get his number!_

_S: :(((((((((_

Reg: When you couldn't convince him in two weeks, maybe he's just not into you. 

**(so very observant)**

_S: You are of no help._

Feeling dismissed, Reg looked up to see Remus puttering around the kitchenette when his phone pinged again.

James: Sirius has officially lost the dare.

We'll announce the punishment at lunch if you want to join.

R: On my way! 

He wouldn't miss spectating the consequences of a dare, especially if Sirius lost. Hence, Reg got up and hurried into his room to change immediately.

Remus had no idea why the mention of him liking Weird-drink guy annoyed him so much. He didn't even know his name. But there was no need to overthink now, it was done. **(** **It was not done.** **)** A moment later, Reg went past him towards the door, and Remus remembered something entirely unrelated.

"Hey, Leo. Before you go, can I borrow your phone charger?" he asked while Reg was looking for his left shoe.

The boy in question waved his arm without getting up from retrieving the shoe from under the couch. "Sure, just go in and get it. It's on the nightstand."

"Thanks." He'd never seen Reg's room from the inside and was very glad it wasn't too messy. And that the charger was clearly visible on the nightstand. As Remus grabbed it, his eyes got stuck on the framed picture behind said charger. It was a recent photograph. Reg sported vibrant green hair and sat on a blanket in a park with a couple of other people. On his left a girl with flaming red hair that Remus had seen before and on his right... a boy with dark long hair and a side-cut, grey eyes, a worn leather jacket, and a very familiar smirk on his face.

"Leo?" Remus poked his head out of the room, looking frantic and spotting Reg opening the door. "Leo! REGULUS, wait!"

Leo/Reg looked over his shoulder with a frown and closed the door again as his borderline-hysteric flatmate stormed in his direction.

"You know Weird-drink guy!"

"What?" Reg's impressive frown stayed firmly in place.

Remus had not calmed down in the slightest and nearly shoved a picture in his flatmate's face. "Him."

Reg plucked the frame from Remus' hands and stared at it for a moment before his features derailed comically. "Oh my god."

"What?"

"That's my brother."

Both boys stared at each other for a moment before they cracked up laughing.

"Well, now that you say it..." Reg wheezed, wiping his eyes, "there were a few things I just took as a fun coincidence." **(So observant...Idiots.)**

"Oh my god!" He exclaimed a few moments later, sudden realisation wiping the grin off his face.

"What now?"

"You like my brother!"

This time, Remus' features derailed and blushed violently. "Well..."

At the obvious discomfort of his flatmate, Reg rubbed his neck and switched to light teasing. "I mean, it's totally fine. I don't get it, but it's fine. I'm heading over to his place now, come with me? I'll fill you in on all the weird things on the way."

* * *

Sirius was annoyed. His day went absolutely horribly He lost the dare, realised **(** **finally** **)** he likes the barista, didn't get the number, and Reg was on his way to participate in the gloating.

"Fuck the whole witness-shit! Let's just get over with it so I can be miserable in peace," he grumbled. His words were rather muffled from the couch-pillow he shoved his face in earlier.

Peter gasped and clutched his neck, worthy of every elderly woman ever shown on TV. "Padfoot how dare you? How _dare_ you?! Since—"

"He didn't, Worms. That's the point," I rudely interrupted Peter's speech. The opportunity was too good.

" _Since,_ " Peter carried on loudly, paying no mind of the pillow that narrowly missed his face on its way from the couch to my head, "the humble beginnings of the sacred-dare, we always had three witnesses for the execution of a lost dare."

Before Sirius had dug out another pillow from underneath him to use as ammunition, there was a firm knock on the door.

Sadly, Pete and I fell asleep in that moment and after a second knock, so Sirius huffed indignantly and slumped over to the door. What a coincidence that we woke up exactly then to witness the following:

The door opened and revealed Remus, the barista of our hearts, and Sirius’ jaw fell to the ground. Remus just handed Sirius an inscribed paper-cup, who took it on autopilot, winked and left.

Sometime later, Sirius had neither moved, nor picked up his jaw when Reg strutted through the still-open door. He paused besides his brother with a smug grin, pushed his chin up to close Sirius' cakehole, and wandered off to get comfy on the couch.

"I told you, you would like my flatmate," he said airily and took a victory-sip of my cold tea on the coffee table.

* * *

**In the end, Sirius argued that he got the number within the month and should, therefore, be freed from the consequences and demanded a council of impartial friends to decide. First and foremost, Alice, Frank, Gideon (Fabian was partial), Benji and Marlene (Dorcas was partial) voted that Remus, as innocent causality, should be allowed to take over the next three dares if he wanted to (He did. Remus is an evil mastermind.) However, the council also discussed the actual matter and agreed that Sirius lost as: 1. Remus did not work as a barista anymore; 2. The number was not acquired in the shop; and 3. No drink had been ordered. Sirius had to go through a full month of cheap clip-in extensions in every colour/length, hairspray, glitter-hair-gel, various scrunchies, a mullet-wig, pigtails, and moustaches (we never specified which hair on his head we would control).**

**One day, Sirius told me about a revelation he had while walking down the street with Remus and getting looks for his newest style (an 80s side-ponytail with dusty-pink velvet scrunchie). He said that 'as long as he walked hand in hand with his Moony, couldn't care less about the rest of the world.’**

**I was moved to tears and so happy for my brother to have found his Lily, when said beloved person ruined the moment with exaggerated gag-noises.**

**There you go, my dear readers. A story filled to the brim with oblivious idiots, bad communication, and more idiocy.**


End file.
